My wife has been on a recycling course at work. She’s now looking at things to recycle at home. I’m wondering whether I should pack a bag – just in case.

‘At this point, I think we all need to agree that it is a truth universally acknowledged that you can either home school your children or be happy. You can’t have both!’

Having gone through four years of university, I eventually became a man of letters – mostly comprising of threats from the bank.