‘At this point, I think we all need to agree that it is a truth universally acknowledged that you can either home school your children or be happy. You can’t have both!’

Having gone through four years of university, I eventually became a man of letters – mostly comprising of threats from the bank.

‘There are periods, sometimes stretching for days, when we’re not aware of a presence in the house at all. And then the sounds begin; furniture scratching across floors, items falling from shelves, glasses or cutlery going inexplicably missing.